Firdaus Jeffrey

2009-12-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

Sick

2009-12-03T04:21:00.002+08:00

I just got home from the doctor. Went all the way to Bukit Batok, there's this 24 hour clinic which my dad would always send me when im sick. Ate the medicine, and now im having trouble sleeping. God damn it! Im having 3rd trial tomorrow and im not fit, see, i know i will never got the chance to get back into the team. Well, im still going, who knows there's luck. Stranger, im sorry for making you wait for so long, my bad okay? She's asleep now, i promised to sleep after eating my medicine, but i just can't. I'll sleep after this i promised.

When a GIRL is quiet , millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing , she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions , she is wondering how
long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds , she is not at all
fine.

When a GIRL stares at you , she is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest , she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday , she wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says ' I love you ' , she means it.

When a GIRL says ' I miss you ' , no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

Who holds your hand in front of her friends.

Who is constantly reminding you of how much she cares about you and how lucky she is to have you.

Who turns to her friends and says, ' That's him!! '

Im bored, im thinking of her always. Im going to bed.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Im going to Kota KInabals in 2 weeks

2009-12-02T23:57:00.005+08:00

I could feel that you really care for me. But i'm still in doubt whether you do love me or not. That is not the main aim between us right? I've been hurting you too much. I must stop hurting you from now on. You cried for i don't know how many times already because of me. I felt guilty, i know it's my fault, i always blame you for everything that happens when it's actually my fault. I know you really do care for me. I know you really do want the best in me. I realised i've been treating you badly. You've always got scolded by me, and i know you hate getting scolded. I'm sorry for what i've done. I'm still feeling guilty for what happened between us. Technology world sucks for the both of us right? Im sorry okay? I know you don't trust me the way you trusted me last time. I'll prove it to you slowly. I'll mean everything. Trust me.

Im going off to Sabah in 2 weeks. 4D3N may be a great time or may be a night mare. Let's see how it goes peeps. Im joking. I guess it gonna be fun traveling as a team. We'll having a friendlt with their Under 17. Playing at their National Stadium which is called Likas Stadium. Its big like our National Stadium okay. So lets hope for a win.

Lastly, i would like to wish Zaki Blackie a Happy Birthday! Wow, 16 already is it? Still small boy laa so don't go around telling people that you 16 already okay? Gonna bash you up this Monday, so you better be on standby mode brother. I'll come without your notice. The next thing you will find out is your balls will fly out off your pocket.

I guess i'll be giving my last try. I don't know, i just felt like im a loser. Nevermind. Don't worry, i'll stay no matter what. Always by your side. Winning your heart is just a dream. Im fine. I've got feelings already. Mind told me this and that and this again and that again. So im following my feelings. Who wins you would be lucky. The outing gonna be on 15 i think. Meet up soon.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

I got new boots

2009-12-01T23:35:00.003+08:00

Hey, just got back from playing soccer. Had great fun, it was like at last get to play with ex school mates. Hafangs and Ahkeem were there too. Headed to MacDonald after that, they made a meet up to plan for an outing next week. I don't wanna go because there's a fucker that i don't wish to type his name here. Zaki pesters me to go, so i made my way there by walking and they took the bus. Met Alip and "neraka" friends at 747, inhale nicotine and went off. While i was unpacking my things at the kitchen, Abang shouted, i thought there's something wrong that I've done. But actually, he bought me a pair of Nike T90 Laser 2. Its a 1st grade boot okay? He bought him self an Adidas Tunit and he's is much more nicer than mine. He's boot is perfect. The colour is nice. I don't know how to describe but your eyes will pop out once you guys saw his boots. I thanked him and now he's out to meet his friends. Im meeting him later at West Park, slacked around with his friends.

Am i invisible just now? I don't expect you to talk to me but you didn't even shake my hands nor telling me you're going home. You stand at the traffic light there without saying anything. Maybe this is how you behave when you are with your friends. Its okay, im used to it. Next time, don't even bother to ask me out okay? Because you are behaving differently while with me and behaving differently while with friends. What am i? I know you don't want them to know about it but does talking to me and shaking my hands or even acting like we are just friends will reveal to truth? Its okay, im not asking for much. Im fine with it this way. I guess during the outing will be much worst. But i don't care much. I just want you to have fun. Take care.

I miss you but that's not the real point,
The real point is, DO YOU?

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

The song has ended, but melody still lingers

2009-11-29T00:12:00.007+08:00

Sometimes you have to let go of the one you love to find out if there's really something behind it. How long would you like to keep it? I bet one day people would know about us. Not by us telling it, but, seeing it with their own eyes. Or maybe its one of your reasons to cover the truth you still love him? Sometimes i do have this feeling that i just couldn't win your heart. Maybe i guess i have to listen to my feelings. I know still do have feelings for him. So why not just have faith to accept him back? I know it gonna get better than you think it gonna turn like. Trust his words that everything not gonna be the same again. He's being truthful. I know how it feels like being with him in the past. Those secret feelings that you have for me and still doesn't wanna tell me go dump it into the rubbish bin. I knew it already. You don't have any for me. But still i couldn't erase the feelings i have for you, it's deep in. I just don't know why i love you so much. It bothers me every single time. Maybe its better for me to give in space for you to love him back. Maybe you should just forget about me. I know i can't afford it but i have to. Im not meant for you. Simple as that. I don't have those standard to be yours. I'll try harder to own you but it's gonna be my last try.

I wonder why it took a minute to say Hello and forever to say Goodbye?
How lucky am i to have known someone who is so hard to say Goodbye to.
One day you will realise that you are in love with that person when the hardest thing to do is saying Goodbye to the person.
I believe that being strong means you are able to let go of your love one to see a smile on their face after you left.
The loss of a friend is like that of a limb.
They may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired.
I'll never leave you behind, im just taking part of it with me and leaving some of my part behind.
When i see your smile, i know it's not for me. That's when i'll miss you.
Life wouldn't be the same without you and all the memories you gave me.
Don't cry because it's going to end, smile because it gonna change your life to a better one without me by your side.

Firdause Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Selamat Hari Raya Haji

2009-11-27T19:45:00.000+08:00

Im tired at this point of time. Yesterday went back around 4am. Went to SAFRA to play pool and LAN game. Can't sleep so i played counter strike at my computer. 7 am went out to the mosque and do the prayers then wait for my grandma's sheep head to be chopped off. Reached home around 11 plus. Bathe and go for Friday prayer. Know what? Went there but can't get into the mosque as there are still like hundreds of people still waiting to go inside. Dad says he's lazy to wait furthermore its fucking hot. Went home and saw alot of my relatives had arrived. Can't even have an hour to sleep. Have to entertain them. So right now they just went off and im like free from talking. Ive been talking non-stop from just now. They kept asking me about my results and soccer. STANDARD!!

Im heading Bugis with my Aunt tomorrow. She wanna treat me some shirts that i need to for my Sabah trip. That means i don't have to spend a single cent! I gonna ask for shoes. Not only shoes but lot more to ask. Stranger is sick. Im kinda worried bout her condition. I hope she's fine. She's just too stubborn not eating the medicine. But i can't force. She still won't be eating it. Betul tak awak? I wanna go have s**** break. Its been a day ive not been breathing ciggies.

Firdaus Jeffrey

Cheerios!

Loving you is not a matter, leaving you alone scares me

2009-11-25T23:52:00.005+08:00

My mind thought of this when she appears in my mind.

I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand.
So now I leave you without a sound except my heart shattering as it hits the ground.

Love is like an eternal flame,
once it is lit, it will continue to burn for all time.

Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters. Love is a moment that lasts forever. You will know the real meaning of love when you fall in love. If a tear fell from my eyes, every time I wished you were with me.

I would have a puddle of fallen wishes at my feet. Through the wind I hear your voice;
In the clouds I see your name.
Living life without you just wouldn’t be the same.

If I had a single flower for every time I thought of you I could walk forever in my garden.

It is impossible to fall out of love, love is such a powerful emotion,
That once it envelops you, it does not depart.

I turned off the bed and hopped into the light, all because you kissed me goodnight.

I Cry For The Times That You Were Almost Mine,
I Cry For The Memories I've Left Behind,
I Cry For The Pain, The Lost, The Old, the New.
I Now Cry for the Times I Thought I Had You

I don't know weather to smile because you're happier with him or cry because you're not mine.

Everyday we tell ourselves we're better off without each other,
but then every morning I wake up and realize
I love you more then the day before.

You make me smile for no reason whatsoever,
You make me laugh at the unfunniest things,
But most of all, you make me love you.
W hen I realize I shouldn’t be the one loving you.

Don't be too good I will miss you,
Don't be too caring, I might like you,
Don't be too sweet, I might fall for you,

It's hard for me to love you when you won't love me after all.

A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me
together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart.

A pity beyond all telling
Is hidden in the heart of love.

Firdaus Jeffrey

Cheerios!

No one could be like you

2009-11-25T00:22:00.003+08:00

Who else would repeat the same advice again and again? I don't think my Mum would do that too. Who else could have been patience with my attitude? Even my Mum gave up on me. Maybe not just my Mum but people who knows me well. We knew each other for 4 long years and it's been 2 months we've contacting each other. The ending of our talks every night by saying Good Nights have made my sleep a beautiful one. Yes, i knew we fight often but we do get back to each other. I can't imagine my life without you as days past by. You never fail to tell me where ever you go. When my phone credit went low, you would call my home. Sometimes when you called you'll get scolded by whoever picks up the call in my room. Im sorry for their behavior You never fail to text me even if i don't reply. You never fail telling me not to skip training and take care of myself as i just recovered from internal injury. Those words meant alot to me. Not even any of my family members had said all those words to me. I'll remember all those, it will forever stick in my mind. You support me in everything i do, giving me courage not to give up. Your endless support had turned me into a stronger person to face the circumstances in life. Sometimes you would nag at me just like my Mum or could i say even worse, but i knew you did that just to correct my mistakes. Im sorry if i didn't listen and took it seriously eventually we got into a fight. After all this while, now i realised how much you do care for me. Im sorry for making you worried at times. You just don't wish to see anything unwished happen to me. Thank you so much. Thank you for calling me all night and waking me up in the morning so that i won't skip training, asking me about my condition and even cheered me up. I appreciate every moment we spent together be in meeting you up or talking on the phone. I declared myself a lucky guy to have met a girl like you. You are just someone different i can't find anywhere on the streets. I don't wanna ask for more. What you had done all this while is more than enough. Im just an ordinary guy. Maybe you should find someone who could treats you better than i do. How i wish i could be yours.

Firdaus Jeffrey

Cherrios!

No late night calls this week

2009-11-23T21:43:00.006+08:00

Hey, im back. Im sorry for not updating for a very very long time. Im busy with work and finally it's over. Lots of things happened but im lazy to list it down. Too many i guess. Now im still busy but not with work but no other than soccer. Coach send me down to Woodland U18 trial. As im turning 17 next year so i can't play for the U16 anymore. The trial is challenging, many trialist have potential but sadly to say many of them didn't get through. I get through both trial and there will be another trial next Thursday. Coach Harris say there will be a total of 5 trial to get into the team. 2 have passed, left with 3 more im praying hard to get through all of it.

This week is kinda bored, stranger is off to Genting for dance competition. Im missing her and also our late night calls. I've been sleeping early and my phone does not ring like it used to. Come back quick sweet! Confirm you miss me down there right? I'll fetch you on Thursday. Im left with three more days of work and im out from that stupid company. There's no way im working down there anymore.

Im going to Sabah for soccer trip these December. I have to do some shopping here as i don't have any more tops and bottoms to wear. My tops and bottoms are getting small. I need to go buy new ones. Im buying some at Sabah as down there is abit cheaper i guess so. I hope stranger would love to follow me do some shopping. Thats all, im going off.

I know you're the one for me.
I promise to lead you the way you've been wishing for all this while baby.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Im not the perfect one for you

2009-11-15T18:25:00.003+08:00

Phew! Its been a long time since i post huh? Nothing interesting anyway. May day starts and ends the same every single day. Something like, wake up, go to work, call stranger and off to bed. Nothing special right? Ive been busy all these while, my job contract ends in two weeks. Im going to Kota Kinabalu in less then a month. My N level result is going to be release soon. So there are some upcoming events and i just can't wait for it.

I don't know whats wrong with you, we've been fighting alot all this while. Did you realise on that? I knew its my fault and im sorry. Why did you behave differently? Don't ask me like what. Ask you self. Make yesterday as and example. Told me to wait and i waited. I gave up and went to sleep. You texted me at 4 plus. You know how i felt? Today. Told you to text me after you are done with blogging, did you? I waited and i keep on waiting. I just don't want to hurt you again. So im listening to you all this while. Ive been following what you asked me to do all the time. But is this what you gave back in return? I don't mind, what i mind most is to see you smile everyday without fail.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Had a great time

2009-11-08T03:39:00.003+08:00

Its already going to 4 am! I don't know why suddenly im awake at 3 plus just now. If stranger knew bout shes going to get mad. Im having a futsal tournament tomorrow and she asked me to sleep early. Im sorry stranger, i suddenly got awake so ive got nothing to do as i can't get my eyes sleepy back i chose to blog early in the morning. Futsal is at 9 am i have to meet the team at 7 am i m sure im going to be half awake while playing. Captain for tomorrow's game is a big role to play. What a good role model huh!

I went therapy yesterday and my shoulder is getting better. Im able to go for training now but not for games. For tomorrow's game is because i plead coach like hell to put me in the team so im able to play. Ive missed alot of games and im worried that im going to loose all the touches in the field of play. After that went to fetch stranger and alot of weird things happened like we walk and the construction site where nobody is supposed to walk there, i shoot my lighted cigarette bud on a small boy and stranger make me like a fool by asking me massage her hands and i have to go right and left all the time. Send her home and pick up a cockroach. She's scared of those so again she run and try to escape from me. She looks cute with her scared face you know, I LIKE IT sweety.

Stranger: Don't you ever pinch me again if not that cockroach will be in your mouth, haha and im sorry i punched and slapped you just now. Not pain right? I know you are strong. Hee~ Im going off, Good Morning Earth!

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Farewell coach

2009-11-07T13:27:00.003+08:00

Im sorry for not updating my blog for a very long time. Im busy with work stuffs and there lots of soccer training. First thing first, farewell to Coach Siva, you left us so sudden. Now who's going to replace you? I bet nobody is better than the way you coach us. We promise we will play our best like the way you want us to be like. We will make it to the final at the YOG next year. We will do it for you coach, may you rest in peace~

Coach Siva just left us so now we got no coach at the moment, training have not started yet because FAS is still discussing about some major matters. Im off to the gym today, im have to pick up my fitness back. Im having a futsal tournament at Taka tomorrow morning. I don't wanna disappoint my coach again. Im going to work hard, im down with injuries too, i don't know if i still can make it or not. But still im going to play better than last week. Im fetching stranger later on. I have to go change up, need to go to Boon Lay to buy new boxers! HAHA

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Rashes all over me

2009-11-01T22:54:00.003+08:00

Basically i went to work, its a half day. From 2pm to 6pm, i covered for my friend as he went to the hospital to visit his relative. Tiring day for me, went to Famous Amos and bought some cookies. My intention is to see stranger working. She look sleepy and tired, she's shocked when she saw me. Went to street soccer and watch some guys play soccer, i didn't play as im keeping my promise. Send stranger home just now, she complaint i walk like one big fat pig. So i purposely walk at this place where there's alot of cockroaches. She jump and shout like a mad girl. Stupid stranger, that thing is small, you can just step on it and it will die. Funny little small kid.

I just don't know why suddenly i found out i had rashes all over my body early this morning at about 7 am. I thought its a normal one, but it went all over after i reached my work place. I called mum and she said she's bringing me to the doctor tomorrow. I hope im just fine. I don't wish to see myself lying on the hospital bed. I hate that place, or must i say i like it actually.Hahaha. Im going off, calling stranger after this. Bye fellas!

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off,

Cheerios!

We Qualified to the FINALS

2009-10-31T23:03:00.004+08:00

Hey, im sorry ive not been updating these few days. Im busy with my job and tehre is alot of over time to do. Well, its an off day today, went for futsal tournament just now, there's this company sponsor us the tournament fee, jersey,foods and drinks and the best thing is we get allowance! 10 bucks each person.

We made through to the finals and we will be playing it just outside Takashimaya, yeap Taka at Orchard. We played 3 games just now and we won all. First game was a draw, i had so many chances but didn't wet through that fucking goal post, end up have penalty shoot out. Again i missed it. But we won 2-1 on penalty. Second game was a draw too, penalty again. I didn't take because coach pull me out, I was injured. That opponent was challenging with me for the high ball, he head my nose and it bleeds. End up we won penalty 2-0. Third game we won 1-0 and finally scored by me, i gave that keeper i long shot and he looked blurred. I guess my ball is too fast. Some of the teams there were physically good but they can't play due to lack of communication i think. We are proud to say that we are the strongest team and we are the first to qualify for the grand finals. I hope we can do it for the grand finals. Anyone interested to come and watch don't be shy, its FREE OF CHARGE (foc) and its located just outside Takashimaya at Orchard, starting at 12.30 noon. Tomorrow have to jog to pick up my fitness back, coach says he regretted putting me as the captain just now because my fitness is like shit, i truly agree because i had alot of injuries just now. Im working in the afternoon and then off for fitness training with the beloved coach of mine. Im going off, have to call stranger.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Should I?

2009-10-28T16:21:00.005+08:00

Im just too lazy to update this few days. Its been a good week, although i can't play soccer, i did enjoy watching my friends play. Stranger seats for her O's yesterday and having paper 2 today, she said she managed to do the paper. I hope its the same for her paper 2 today. Im starting to work today. Basically the job is so damn easy, door to door sales and i only have to work for like 2 hours plus? Great right? Im off to work at 6, im starting at 7 and its gonna end at 9 plus. Today's job is at CCK area, its near so wouldn't take a long journey home.

Ive been thinking should i just follow my friends seating under the block talk crap, smokes and do stupid things? Because if i were to play soccer again, i bet i won't be on form like i used to. I still can play but im not going to be who i am again. Ive lost all those skills and my fitness is getting worst day by day. Should i listen to my team mates and those who cares about me all this while? OR should i follow my feelings? Im in need of advice, im still figuring out, im already tired of playing soccer but i can't just let my feet of the ball every single day.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Summer vacation

2009-10-27T10:26:00.006+08:00

Im already awake early in the morning. I don't know why but i just don't feel like continuing my sleep. I went to see my friends play soccer yesterday, i played just a game. Sorry stranger for not listening to your advice. Can you see how stubborn i am now? My shoulders hurts alot yesterday night, i felt like shouting at the top of my voice. It went numb and i can't stand it anymore. Im having an appointment this Thursday. I hope the X ray does not show any negative reports. So i don't have to undergo surgeries. Im going off to school later, have to pass the passport to coach. I felt like not going but ive paid for the cost. Guess i have to treat that as my vacation.

Stranger is seating for her O level Maths paper today, she had been cracking her stubborn head all this while, i hope it would be paid off. I wish you good luck sweet! If you pass you, you better treat me my MacDonald okay? You still owe me that don't you? Heeee~ Im still looking for a job, my mum had been nagging all night long. Yes mum i will look for one and please stop nagging at me. I hate it!

Yes I am stress, all the time actually.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Empty pocket filled up but gonna be empty again

2009-10-25T18:07:00.007+08:00

Im currently at my aunt's crib to teach her how to do some computer stuffs. So i will get some bucks filled in my empty pocket. So stranger is off to her aunt's crib to do some revision, she's left with only 1 day to put her mind on that fucking subject which lots of people hate- MATHS. Im fetching her later on. But im not sure what time she's finishing. Im off to street soccer, i know stranger does not allow me to play, but stranger im sorry, nothing will happen to my hand. Im strating working tomorrow, i don't think i could make it, so guess im sure going to doze off while doing work. Starts at 11pm and ending at 7am. haha, Imagine that?

Im going to put some credit in my phone soon, i miss messaging stranger. I guess she's missing my message too. Heeee~ To my team mates, have fun for this Saturday's game. Im having check up so im unable to come down for the game. Im saying good bye to those going Bangkok too. Who wants to borrow boot? Beep me laa.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Who's gonna win?

Heartless

2009-10-24T23:26:00.006+08:00

i kept putting a fake smile nowadays,

act as if everything is alright in front of my friends when it is not,
no hope for my soccer career already due to injury and im not going to put in efforts,
nothing seems to be fine from now on, im too careless,
i wonder why am i so stupid. I just don't have the intention to hurt you,

i can barely look at my face already,
the more i look, the more i see my face like an heartless creature,
i really hope that im not in this world anymore so that no one can find me,
i wish i didn't even exist so that i would not have hurt the people around me.

I knew you were worth loving, im sorry,

im just a heartless creature.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

It hurts so much!

2009-10-24T22:54:00.005+08:00

I know fighting over small things is childish enough, but im not even angry at you just now. You sounded angry so i went out from my house quickly. Fighting with you really sucks big time. Suddenly you gave me that message and i was confused, i was finding you all over at the bus stop then i went all the way to your block just to say IM SORRY. I knew you were mad at me, i can't find you anywhere. I just wanna tell you that i went all over just to apologies, but i don't think you even care. If you were reading this, i just wanna apologies and i wanna tell you that i really love you, i was at fault. Im stating all this but i know you don't even care.

So i went to watch my friends play soccer earlier. My legs were itchy, whenever they kick that ball, my legs were moving as if i wanted to shoot that ball hard. Awww, just too bad can just see people play. My friends were pestering me to play, i wanted but i knew i couldn't. It hurts so much. I knew they had fun playing and i had fun too seeing them play because they make me laugh like mad person. While they play, they would shout my name asking me to run so they can pass me the ball. AHAHA. You guys gonna get it from me after i recover shit ass!

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Our deepest fear is our power beyond measure

2009-10-23T23:18:00.008+08:00

Nothing much happened today, I woke up late and did not went to the graveyard with uncle. Woke that stranger up and went off to check up around 1 plus. Im supposed to be there by 2pm but im late. I reached at 2.15pm and waited for so long! Then at last it was my turn, went in the room and the doctor check alot of things. Suddenly he said im not supposed to play contact sports for a month, guess i have to say goodbye to the Bangkok trip and also my football games. Went to Jurong Point and had some curry puffs for myself, i didn't eat because im late for the appointment. Met Zai and went to street soccer court, only get to see them play. What a pity right? Just got to bear with all this for a month and im going to catch up with all the trainings back, i don't think i could just seat down and not kicking balls for a month. Im stubborn, so guys, lets play soccer tomorrow? Not much to say, im kinda tired and im calling stranger soon, chalo!

When i first met you,
I never would have imagined,
that i would have such strong feelings for you,
i never would have thought,
that i would have dreamt about you,
or miss being by your side,
or get butterflies in my stomach,
when someone mentions your name,
when i first met you,
i never would have thought,
that i would love you

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

I enter and i won't leave

2009-10-22T23:46:00.003+08:00

My shoulder hurts alot, i can't barely stand the pain already. I guess i have to see the doctor as soon as possible. My games are coming next week and my Bangkok game is drawing nearer, i can't play if my condition is still like this. I even played just ONE pathetic game just now at the street soccer because there is this guy who pushes me accidentally. Let me tell you, the pain is really fucked up. My condition is getting worst and no one cares about me anymore! What a pathetic child i am right?

Ive been thinking alot, im already 16 and next year im turning 17. I guess im already old enough to understand the aspect of life. But i somehow sometimes does not care whats gonna happen to my future. I like to do things like there's nobody business. I left my secondary school life already, next step is much more challenging and this next step will eventually predict my future. If im still going to play around, i have to be ready to say good bye to future. Readers have patience with me, i know ive always been updating about my problems but i think this is the safest place for me to throw out all my feelings that ive kept before.

Now that ive entered your life, let me tell you one thing and i promise this, I enter and i won't leave. I don't care with all those fights we are going to face but still im not leaving you and the won't be any reasons for me to leave. I never had this angry feelings towards you before, so please keep that in mind sweet. Stranger gave me a new name just now while sending her home, i forgot what she called me. But what i know is, that name is really awful! Calling her soon and im going off now.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

I wanna spend all my time with you

2009-10-22T15:27:00.003+08:00

Morning everyone! I just came back from sending stranger home. Was supposed tor each at 2.10, i reached earlier but i told her that im still around my area. She's pissed i know. I was actually hiding behind her, she got angry then i went to her and she hit me on my stomach. Luckily not my shoulder, she wanted to hit me on my shoulder but she did not. If she does, haha, something gonna happen to her *evil smile* I gonna bring stranger to the Zoo one day because the baby pig in her stomach wants to meet the parents there right stranger? I did not get enough sleep today, i slept late and woke up so early then i didn't go to bed after that, so i sat down on the sofa. When its already 2pm i went out to fetch her. Currently im very sleepy, have to take a short nap because im having training this afternoon. I have to go or else im going to put a side my jersey and wait at the side line again. If that happens again for this Saturday's game, im going to tell me dad im going to hang up my boots already. Im tired and im not going to type so long, the bed and pillows are waiting for me already, haha. Bye fellas!

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

I wanna spend my time all on you

Today's the day that i really fell for you

2009-10-21T22:17:00.002+08:00

Third post for today, im kinda bored. Went to Arena earlier to play pool and im pretty good at that i can see. Went all the way to school to fetch stranger but end up we got into big fight. Its all because of me. Im sorry, i knew i broke your fragile heart into pieces but i didn't meant all this even i do not expect this to happen. I just want you to know that im trying to be the best for you but at this moment i realised that i failed.

Im not sure if im going out tomorrow but i bet i will. Me staying at home the whole day? You must be kidding me don't you? Im having training this Friday but im still under injury. My shoulder is swollen due to hard body contact during the previous game. Nobody knew about this, i can't tell mum and dad. Or else they gonna scold me if i try to get out of this house, simple reasons they will give is, YOU ARE SICK RIGHT?!

This is for you sweet

a faithful friend is the medicine of life.
and a simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument,
a real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.
But this friend of yours is treating you more than just a friend,
he is true to you and he only needs you by his side.

sorry if i'm too selfish ,
sorry if i'm too annoying,
sorry if i'm very irritating,
sorry if i'm very cruel ,
sorry if i didnt shut up and listen to you ,
sorry if i hurt you so much all this while.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Its unfair

2009-10-21T11:02:00.004+08:00

I've never expected myself to be in this situation where there is favoritism. Its okay if this thing happens in the outside world, unfortunately this thing happens in my family. I had always wanted to feel the true love from both parents. Ive got no one else except for true friends. You may see me smiling where ever i go but those were fake, i don't want to trouble my friends. I've been suffering the pains a very long time ago, yet, i still have to endure. You know how it felt when your parents were having fun with your siblings and you are left all alone? Sometimes i wanna cry but its useless, it wont make things better. I knew i made alot of mistakes but don't you think the other siblings made mistakes too? I felt like speaking up but im scared, they won't listen to me. Their life to me is all just about giving me money and i do my own business. I don't like the way you guys are treating me. Once i nearly made the decision to run away to go to my aunt's place, but i think that's not the right way and i believe that you guys could change.

Now, things are getting worst, who am i to the both of you? I guess im not much than just a trash. You knew i love playing soccer, but have you guys ever came down to any of my big games? I cried when ever i looked at my team mates bringing along their parents. I wanted the same but that won't happen. I've never celebrated my birthday with you before, never before, i asked for it but you said you are busy with work. You know how i felt? Luckily there are friends around me that cheered me up on my special day. Lately you told me to go find a job because you don't wanna give me money no more. I went out and look for jobs, i came home telling you that there's none, you gave me a stern look and called your own son stupid? Yes i am stupid, but im not that stupid the way you think i am. You may not know how i felt typing this out, tears starts to drop. You never say me cry before, never in your whole entire life i bet, let me tell you that im crying at this moment. Im helpless. Mom, dad, i wanna tell you guys that i do love you alot.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

I hate eye bags

2009-10-21T08:25:00.003+08:00

Morning everyone! It had been a long time since i post early in the morning. I hardly get to close my eyes last night. This morning i woke up at 6.30 am just to wake my sweetie pig up to school. She said its unbelievable, so you got to treat me my MacDonald sweet! Talk to her last night can get me so frustrated, she's like singing all the time and its so noisy. Her normal reasons are, "you don't want to talk to me so i sing laa" Another thing that make me so frustrated is, she just can't stop eating, her tummy looks like having a baby pig around four months and still can say that pig in her stomach is mine because im like pig. That means you are also a pig. Im sacrificing my sleep now because she's bored in school. Im going off, i wanna have a nice bathe.

Does this pig looks alike as the one in your tummy sweet?

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

Lethargic Holiday?

2009-10-20T23:07:00.005+08:00

Well, today is not a good day. My attitude sucks i know. Went skating today, my new wheels are driving me crazy because its perfect! Stranger went studying at her aunt's house but this time she brought her friend along. They dropped by but didn't talk to me. Im sooooo sad about that. Its okay, im fine. I sent her home just now and she was like talking about shits all the way. Do you really like shits? One day i'll add mine in your lunch!

I don't know why its hard to get job. I need a job and i need money for real! Im getting frustrated now, its bored seating at home and do nothing. No matter what i gonna find a job till i get hired! I have to get back to school tomorrow to send the soccer trip form, after that im heading to Pasta Mania again. Im tired of boring holiday, after all tomorrow is another boring day!

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios!

I miss school life

2009-10-19T23:06:00.004+08:00

How should i describe today? Fun, sad, lost? Basically i don't know how to describe today because i have mixed emotions for today. So i went to Pasta Mania earlier to meet the manager and talked about some stuffs then off to Pioneer Mall and slacked with no other person than Alif. Around 7 plus went to skate park to meet stranger, and we didn't talk, she knew why. Then she went off and i went to play soccer. Indeed i just came back and im too tired to update my blog but i have to, so im calling you in a short while sweet.

Tomorrow gonna be another boring holi-day, I wonder what should i do? Im cutting my hair as its one of the thing that the manager reminded me to do before i start working maybe this Friday? Stranger could you accompany me to the barber shop please? I guess im picking her up from school tomorrow. Haha, stranger still have to go to school. I miss school for real! I miss spending time with my classmates like joke around, eating as a group and do activities together. We bond for about three years and now we are going to different routes of life. I can't imagine that we are not going to see each other everyday already. Hope to see you guys some day.

Im in this situation and there is two pathway,
I wonder which way should i choose,
Telling you the truth is the best way,
But im scared that i will lose

Now that you knew the truth,
I wonder whats your answer,
Whenever we talked i felt the numb on my tooth,
Trying my best not to make you in doubt,
Wanna own you is what its all about

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cheerios

Whats happening to me?

2009-10-18T23:26:00.005+08:00

I'm back from skating with Akmal and we went to street just now. It's so cool as we went down hill and up hill and down hill and up again. While skating stranger called and she asked me to go home, but i don't want to. So i activated the free incoming and talk with her at skate park. She's like forcing me to go home all the time, she sounded really like my mum you know! Im going out to town to look for job tomorrow with Akmal. Talking about Akmal, i just found out that his birthday falls on the same date as mine. Haha, we are brothers right Akmal?!

I don't know why im still thinking about that thing, im trying hard to put it a side but i really can't. Its been playing on my mind and i can't forget about what happened! Oh my god whats happening to me right now? You seems not to realise anything but i know you do, but its just that you are keeping it to yourself right? At the point of time, im not telling you anything bcos i don't wanna stress you up bcos of this thing. I believe you have something much more important than this so you better concentrate on your thing!

Next, i have been skipping training alot of times and therefore coach always puts me on the side line. I hate to be seating on the bench and called up if the team needs me! Shit why am i behaving this way? Alot of problems occurred this week and im not sure if it is really my fault, parents are giving me hard times and my feelings are driving me crazy towards her. Whats happening to me actually? I don't get it for real! Someone guide me please? Im lost and im not sure what to do. I need help!

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cherrios!

Must i make that move?What happens after that?

2009-10-18T17:30:00.002+08:00

Holidays have started for like a week but this time the holidays have not given me its thrills yet, holidays are same this year but the only thing is that i have not get a job yet. Its so hard to get a job these time round. There are lots of vacancies but they are not giving chances to students, i hope Crocs does give me opportunities to work at their store. Finally Juying soccer team is going to Bangkok this December for a game and also shopping! Currently chatting with Erna my cousin and im waiting for stranger to come home. Erna told me to tell her the truth but im scared, im not ready yet. Im going off to skate later on, maybe today gonna skate with Akmal and my skate clans or maybe im staying home and spend my quality time with stranger on the phone? Something unusual happen to me these few days and im puzzled and confused. This thing never happen before but it just happened yesterday. Im not telling what is it bcos its a bit too personal. Im keeping it to myself. Im thinking on what should i do next.

Must i make that move? AND, What's gonna happen next?

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cherrios

i know im yours

2009-10-18T13:25:00.005+08:00

Good Morning! Just woke up and im sorry stranger for not calling you in the morning, i woke up late. Alright the Popeye thing is on my treat okay? You gotta say yes! Stranger is working today and i will be fetching her at 6 pm. Had a great time talking with stranger yesterday, we joke as if its in the morning. To all skate clans, are you guys skating today? Im bored, lets go street?

I gonna start working tomorrow, working as a movers but only for a day bcos this friend of mine does not have enough worker, so why not i offer him my help. Movers job is kinda tough i heard, but not to worry im strong and im stronger than stranger. Im so bored right now, how i wish stranger is at home and i could talk with her.

You came and i was surprised,
I didn't expect all this could happen,
No one had made me feel this way like you did,
You are one in a million,
Words are easy to say and its cheap,
But i gotta tell you mine is not just words and its not cheap enough,
Accompanying your nights is what i wanna do everyday,
I know im not the type of person you may need,
But i may be the person you wish to be with,
I hope one day,
You will realise that you are the person i wanna be with.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cherrios!

Spammers out of this please

2009-10-17T22:02:00.004+08:00

Im confused and i don't know what to do. Why must all this feelings came? Sometimes i wonder how this feelings came and where does it came from? Whenever she mcges me or calls me, i felt like it must be my lucky day. No one had made me feel like the way she make me feel. Im puzzled whether must i tell her my feelings towards her? I know im not ready neither she herself. I know what type of person i am, people may say maybe i could be a playboy. But if she gives me a chance to prove myself, i gonna show her who i am exactly. Words are easy to say but its hard to act it out. Anyone is against me for this? Maybe i have to think carefully about it. Its not that im running after the next person if i don't get the previous one. Love is not a game. Maybe its only a crush right now, but i believe one day its gonna be more than just a crush. If somebody you seldom talk to and then now you both started to contact one another everyday without fail tells you that she dreamt about you on one particular day and yup this dreamt is so unusual and seldom happens, don't you suspect anything or think differently? That is what im facing right now and i guess what i felt is the same as what she is feeling right now.

But let me tell you all, if you guys do not know who that particular person is, do not anyhow give names. I beg you for this please. So you guys better stay out from this shit and mind your own business. I don't wish people to spam my blog just about this thing okay? Bcos im giving up on you people already.

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cherrios

You silly stranger

2009-10-17T19:58:00.009+08:00

Well, you can see that ive deleted all my previous post due to some reasons. Last week, i got pranked by this stranger and i had a very hard time figuring out who the hell she is. Finally i managed to found out. She's someone i seldom talk with but now a days she's like my teddy bear who listens to me, joke with me and even understands everything about me! Know what? She told me she dreamt bout me that day! haha how come huh? I guess i know why, you miss me kan kan. AND she called me a silly pig earlier just because i woke up late today. I gonna kill you FAT! Currently talking with her on the phone and she's so bad, ordering her sister to cook for her and she's on the computer screen. She's a big eater and she eats like there's no tomorrow. Yesterday i went skateboarding with skate clans and in the end got chased by the police cos its already 11 plus as we are making alot of noise. Reached home around 12 plus and didn't call stranger bcos she's sick and already took a rest. Don't forget my souvenir when you go to Genting and our Popeye outing!

Firdaus Jeffrey signing off

Cherrios!